Oh Great, the day has come. The day where I have to clean our old shed in the backyard. When my wife and I moved in here, the previous owners said to never use the shed because they found weird things inside it. Of course, we wanted to use it since hey, it’s our property. Though we suspected we had to clean it since it sounded like they never cleaned it. We had a date set to clean it and a little contest to see who would clean it. She won, of course, so now I have to clean it. 

     I get dressed into my t-shirt, jeans, and work boots and head to the shed. I don't know what will be in there, but if it’s spiders it will be horrible. Spiders are the worst thing in the world. Why are they even around? All they do is make annoying webs and bite you. I’ll need some sort of shovel, for protection. Well, I think a shovel might be overkill since most spiders are tiny but I’m sorry, I just hate them so much. So, I grab it before I head down.

      The door creaks open and I prepare for what could be on the other side. It’s dark and damp here, I can barely make out a thing. I clench the shovel as I look around. If any ugly spiders come out, I’ll whack them upside their stupid faces and they will never see their children again. Actually, spiders don’t have good vision so I’m not sure if they even know what their children look like. 

        Why is this shed so big? It’s tiny on the outside but on the inside it’s huge! I freeze. What is that in the corner? Is it a spider? Why is it so big? It’s like the size of my legs, and I have long legs so that’s saying something.

         We have a staring contest, a pretty intense one as I’m shaking in my boots. The staring contest breaks off as I hear a low rumbling noise, and is that more spiders? Ah great, a whole colony of them. They all are coming out of some hole in the ground. Then, the biggest spider I’ve ever seen emerges from the hole. This thing is towering over me! 

    “Ahh, who must enter our place we call home?” 

   It’s voice sounds deep and nasty but weirdly fancy. Who does this guy think he is? 

    “Excuse me?” 

   This butthead thinks he and his gang can just congregate in my shed? 

   “What the hell are you doing here!?”

   I give him my death glare. He gives me a funny look and then chuckles like a cartoon super-villian. 

    “You’re the one intruding on our home, you bearded weirdo with your brown hair, and surprisingly good looks!” 

    A spider just called me attractive? That’s something new. He looks around at his gang and laughs. 

   “Thank you, but this ain’t your home? This is my shed!”

     “Well, It ain’t and you’d better run away before we crush you to a pulp.” 

    “Over my dead body!”

    “Boys, why don’t we teach him a lesson about trespassing?” 

   This. This guy. I’m going to enjoy beating the crap out of these spiders.

         The spiders surround me as the big guy laughs like a cartoon super-villian, again. 

    “Little boy, what’s your name? We need to have a name so we can put it on your tombstone.” 

    Did he just call me a little boy? 

    “Jerin. Jerin Castner. The guy who’s going to make a fool out of you. It’s only fitting I have your name as well.” 

   He laughs maniacally. 

    “My name is Blurr, and do you think you can beat me?”

    Wait what? Ah Ha ha ha. 

     “What kind of stupid name is Blurr? I’d rather be named something incoherently stupid like Puke or Ronald McDonald, but not Blurr! Ahh haa haa ha!”

       He roars in anguish and I see a strange liquid coming towards my face. What the hell is that? It looks like he vomited his orange juice. I block it with my shovel and the shovel begins to melt. What the? It looks like some sort of acid. Crap, this might be a little difficult. I throw the remains of the shovel at him, hitting him in the head with it. 

   “Oh it’s on!”

    He shrieks and roars. The smaller spiders then spit their web at me. I think they were trying to trap me. Nonetheless, I jump out of the way as I look around. I need something else to use. Ah, I see a rake in the corner and grab it. I fling the rake at the spiders and they all scream as they get knocked away. Blurr charges towards me and he tackles me to the ground. Damn that hurt. He stomps on me as I try to wave the rake at him. Somehow, I stab him and he groans In pain. I think it’s time I teach him a lesson. Some gasoline will be handy. I grab it off a nearby shelf along with a match box. Adrenaline is coursing through my veins as I dodge and weave his venom spits at me. I leap on top of him. Crap, I can’t get this thing open. He tries to get me off his back and he almost succeeded but I was able to douse him in the gasoline. Eventually, He throws me off of him and he spits his web at me, sticking me to the wall.

      Ew, the web smells gross, or that could be the spiders. Crap, this is it. Maybe if I wiggle this way I can escape, or this way. I hear him laughing and then, my stomach feels like it got hit by a million rocks? Arrgh, this hurts. He is stabbing me with his weird looking legs that look like needles. They feel like it.  I can’t hear myself screeching as my inside feel like they could explode. I feel myself getting weaker and weaker. 

       He continues to laugh as his pace picks up. I can’t even feel my lower half anymore. He backs off for a moment. I think he might go for a final blow. “Well, Jerin, maybe if you didn’t piss me off, you could’ve lived a full and happy life, well, now you don’t, so any last words?” He says as he is hacking up a big venom spit, his mouth looks freaky. 

       Wait, I can feel the web off my arm. I look and see he has stabbed my arm in a place that tears the web from my arm. Just a little more, and yes! I’m free! Now it’s time to make my own candle. I ignite the match. “Yeah, say Hi to the Grim Reaper for me.” I throw it at him as he realizes what I have thrown at him. He shrieks and cries as he is set aflame. I manage to wiggle the rest of my body free as I watch him burn. He’s desperately trying to find something to put himself out, but to no avail. I guess no one taught him how to stop drop and roll. With a final cry, he curses my name and says he’ll see me in hell. Well, at least he got an experience of what hell is like before he died.

           I look around at the other spiders and they look mortified as I just killed their leader. 

“Boo.”

        They all shriek as they go back through the hole in the ground, the last one covering it up as they are sealed off. Whew. That was an experience. I exit the shed and trudge my way outside. My stomach is killing me. I need to go take a shower, that spider probably got me all dirty.

       Spiders freak me out. I think it was worth teaching all those bastards who the boss is around here. Me, I am the boss, but frankly, I don’t think I’m ever going to try to clean the shed again. I’m definitely telling Hazel. Maybe she’ll stop making me do ridiculous tasks and do them herself. Whatever, I'm tired. At least I don’t have a idiotic name like Blurr. It may be a stupid name, but it perfectly describes who he is, or was. Just a blur in the existence of the world.