What would anybody do without oil? Good ol’ liquid gold makes the world go round and gives power to nearly all electrical devices conceived in the modern era. Oil, coal, and other combustible fossil fuels power everything from cars to most of America’s lights. Though there is a threat to the glorious power dynasty: renewable energy sources.
Renewable energy sources are ruining everything our benevolent-billionaire-oil-baron beneficiaries have worked so hard to create. How could people possibly suggest anti-fossil fuel policies knowing how sad it would make this extreme minority of people? Renewable sources of energy like solar are not even half as efficient as coal, and they are barely a third as efficient as natural gas. What’s the point of investing in something that is worse than what you already have? There is no point, humanity was gifted with pitch and petroleum and it would be rude to not use it to its full potential.
     The damage that climate change has done to fossil fuel’s reputation is sickening, yet another tragic victim of cancel culture. The “Oh but the carbon! The emissions in the sky!” rhetoric is tired and worn out. News flash: the sky already had carbon dioxide in it before we started using oil; if carbon dioxide was such a bad thing to have in the sky, it would not have been there to begin with. Not to mention the sheer amount of fake data produced by climate change scientists bought out by the government. On top of all that, renewables are unreliable, expensive, and boring. However, fossil fuels are incredibly reliable and far from boring.
     If every other method of energy production is ignored, fossil fuels are by far the safest. Accidents happen in the workplace, and sometimes people die. Energy put into the grid is measured in terawatt-hours, one terawatt-hour is equal to how much power it takes to output one trillion watts for a single hour. The production of one thousand terawatt-hours of fossil fuel is directly linked to causing only 75.77 people to lose their life on average, that’s only 842 times as many deaths as nuclear, solar, and wind power combined. To those who would scrutinize the ethics of the continued use of a resource that is proven to cause significantly more harm to humans compared to other resources: you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. As the famous one-percenter and dictator Lord Farquaad once said, “Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing to make.”
     Don’t even begin to debate nuclear power, it is literally radioactive. If a person were to pick up a giant chunk of coal, what would happen to them? They would probably get some dirty hands and not much else. Now, if a person were to pick up an equally giant chunk of uranium 235 (the most fissile and common nuclear fuel), what would happen? If they were unprotected, they would probably contract radiation poisoning. Logically, if the fuel is more safe for people, the entire process is more safe, so this must mean that nuclear energy is extremely dangerous for all of humanity and should be entirely avoided at all costs. Nuclear supporters and completely unbiased scientists say that nuclear energy only outputs steam and spent waste, but they fail to recognize that steam (water) is one of the easiest substances to irradiate! Nuclear reactors dump tons of irradiated steam into the atmosphere; granted there is no scientific backing to this claim, but readers should still fear nuclear power because they don’t understand it.
     Fossil fuel is the best way to make electricity. You should blindly listen to any entity that supports fossil fuels and you should not advocate for a complete electrical paradigm shift. Fossil fuel in the form of coal has been used for thousands of years, it’s easy to understand: dead compressed carbon makes a lot of sustained heat when ignited. People should avoid things they don’t understand, how does a solar panel make power out of thin air? How does a windmill make power out of thin air? How does a radioactive rock make power? Unnecessary questions for unnecessary means of power production. Fossil fuels: if it ain’t broke (which it ain’t), don’t fix it.