Aneta….
I tossed and turned all night trying to figure it all out.

  I need to get out of this room! Whoever wrote that seems to think I know something that I shouldn't know. I decided to take a drive. It always relaxes me, especially in the middle of the night.

I walked outside and it was bitterly cold and snow had started to come down. I felt the cold snow on my face, even the ground felt cold - everything was cold. I got into my jeep and started to drive. I saw a shadow and decided to follow it.

I saw Maddie - of all people. Maddie was just running in this weather. It wasn’t just a jog. It was like full on run, like she was trying to run away from something.

           Something was scaring her and I want to be there for her, but she was not letting me in. I drove up next to her and she ran even faster. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to have the car driving up next to you in the middle of the night.

            I followed her still and she turned into a dark alley and it was a dead end. I got out of my car to find her bleeding. “Mads”, I said she looked at me scared to death. I realized she wasn’t running away from me. She was afraid of whoever was in the car. Great! I scared my friend even more and that was not what I wanted to do.

She was vulnerable. She looked like she hadn’t slept in days. I was scared for her, but I couldn’t show that at the moment. I yelled her name and she looked at me and stopped. She just stopped!
I wanted to know what was up with her. “Mads“, I said she looked up at me you could how tired she was her eyes were puffy redness in her eyes showed she has been crying a lot. “Mads,” I said it again while coming to hug her.

               “I’m fine”, That all she said to me. It stung that all she said to me at the moment.

Why won’t people let me in? I wanted to be there for her let her know that I will I help you with whatever you ’re going through.  I would think in a small town like this one people didn’t have secrets, but it seems to be different now. I looked at her thinking to myself, did I do this to her? What is my problem? I’m scaring my friend when I should be helping her through with whatever she’s going through. 

“How are you going to say your fine when your running in the middle of the night?” I said.

She snapped back at me saying “I could be asking you the same thing, so don’t even go there”.

She did have a point for a second. “Mads”, I said calmly looking into her sad eyes “you have been acting differently! What’s going on? Please let me help or at least be here for you! Isn’t  that what best friends are for?”

She didn’t answer. she just looked into the distance and I saw her close her eyes. I could see she was getting scared again. “Mads”, I said. I looked at her and saw a guy looking at us. What could he be doing here at 2:00 am? Then before I realized it, Mads had gone running down the block. “Mads “, I yelled but she didn’t turn around she kept running, like her life depended on it. 

             I tried to run after her but the ground was icy and the snow was coming down faster and bigger. I kept trying to look for her yelling her name, hopefully getting an answer out of her. I stopped running at a coffee shop called Taylor Cafe. All of sudden their footsteps behind me and I start running.

“Mads “ This person call out.

Why does this person think I am Mads. I turned and realized that I was trapped. It was a dark alley, with no way out. Great thinking!  The person keeps coming! I can’t tell who this is but he comes up to me. “Mads”, he calls out again.

I recognized the voice.  “Bret,” I said, “What are you doing out here at this hour?”  He looked at me obviously with the same question.

“Justin was saying that Mads  hasn't been answering any of her calls or messages.”

“Bret -so then why are you here?” I said kinda annoyed.

“I just got worried just like everyone else is!  Mads is always she cheery. She’s the most positive person we know.  Then she just seemed down today, why are you here?”

  He said the last kinda mad tone. “I couldn’t fall asleep, so I was taking a drive and then I saw Mads. Then she saw a figure and started running and I haven’t found her yet.”

We just looked at each other. “Bret our friend is hurting! She’s not letting anyone in. What are we going to do about it?” Bret just looked at me with a blank stare, and he looked at me up and down, trying to think of what to say to me. I didn’t know what to say either.

All of sudden I got a phone call. It was a blocked number- of course. I answered it. There was static on the other end. I was confused. “ I’m watching you”, that’s all it said before the call ended. Bret asked if I was okay because it looked like I had seen a ghost. I said no and decided to go back home to try to get some sleep.

Maddie Prov.

I ran as a fast as I could, I haven’t slept for days after what happened. I looked to my left and then to my right and then stopped in the middle of the road.  I hate getting flashbacks from things I don’t want to remember.

I wasn’t scared at the moment. I was lost after that night. Everything has changed. All I see when I close my eyes is hands all over my body and me screaming hoping someone would eventually hear me but no one did. Aneta is such a good friend. I should tell her and maybe she could help me. I kept telling him NO!  No - screaming in his face. I could smell the alcohol on him. It was so disgusting. The hunger in those deep brown eyes still remains in the back of my head. I’m so afraid! He had told me that if I tell anyone I would be killed. The sad thing is this wasn’t the first time he has done this. Every day and night I keep telling myself it’s not my fault but at the end of the night, I am still convinced it IS my fault. Aneta knows something is up and I want to tell her so badly. She’s been by my side since day one. He said he would hurt anyone I told. Seeing him standing there tonight made realize I’m not safe at all. I just finally want to be free I say to myself.

It was becoming morning. I needed a nice warm shower. It would just relax me and that’s what I needed at the moment. I started to walk back home. It wasn’t that far away from where I was standing. I thought to myself I need to tell someone but who would I tell?  The hard part is people take abuse in a funny manner, who would believe me and understand?

I could never go to my mom about it. I was walking up to my front steps porch when I see my mom there waiting for me.  She looked very tired and worried, “Where have you been”, she said with sad, disappointed face.

I looked at her thinking what to say. I paused for a second. I couldn't possibly tell her that I running from a person in the middle of the night. “ I was with Aneta. We went for a late drive. She needed me”, I said hoping she believed me.

“You need to tell me where you’re going, I was freaking out last night not knowing where you are.” She sighed and came up to me and hugged me. “I am just glad you're safe, that what matters the most to me.”

“Mom I’m going to take a shower and then have Aneta come pick me up for school.” I started to walk up to the door when she said something that made me flinch.

“ Sorry, but your dad wanted to drive your school today and I already said yes to that.”

I looked at her trying to think of what to say when only one word came out was “Okay” I just walked up to my room and took a shower. I didn’t argue with her there was no point.

I sat in the shower and cried. I thought it couldn’t worse today but of course, it did. I took out the knife I had in a shampoo container and started to make more marks on my skin again.

Every time I cut it felt good it stung a little since I was in the shower but sometimes it released the pain in my thoughts I just can’t see his face with that smirk he has every single time. I realized after saying that I made a very large cut on my leg it was pretty big. So much blood was coming out of it.

I sat up turing the water off and getting out of the shower. I heard a car door close and I realize it was my father. My mom yelled from downstairs your father is here. I got ready as fast as I could by putting a band-aid on. It hurt every time I would try to move my leg. My father hated it when someone isn't on time. I got downstairs and I saw his face.

His face has the biggest smirk on it but mom wouldn't notice it. She doesn’t notice anything in life. That how my father got away with so much he has done to me and other girls.

“Well we should be on our way”, I heard his voice. His voice was dark and scary and you could smell the alcohol from a mile away. I grabbed my backpacked and went into his old blue beat up truck. I was afraid for my life that I didn’t know what to do. He got into the car and started driving away fast. I just saw his hand coming up to my leg. All of sudden the flashbacks came in. 

A tear came down my face.  I should be over it I mean it’s my fault right, he didn’t know what he was doing.  I just wanted everything to end I couldn't feel anything anymore I felt loss and there was nothing I could to do about it now because no one would believe me.

I looked into his deep brown eyes wondering if I will survive but I saw nothing. His hand moved up my skirt while saying “Don’t be scared of my princess”. I couldn’t bear to look at him  I feel broke half of a whole now, I feel everything's my fault. Before I knew it we were stopped in a dark alley and he ripped my skirt off me.

Aneta

No one has seen her today I was getting worried. She ran away as fast as she could, why? Why, that all I could say. I was in class and all of sudden I realize the teacher is asking me a question. I just got up and ran out the door. I just needed air I couldn't breathe.

I was running and realized I bumped into Justin. I looked up to see him and all I saw was a broken guy.

“She hasn’t answered me for days”, that's all that came out of his mouth you could see the pain and sorrow he was going through. “All she sent me was it’s over”, I don’t get what’s going on did I do something to make her feel this way?”

“Just I ‘m afraid too who knows what’s going on”, Right after I said that I could tell that wasn’t the answer he wanted.

“You know you really love someone when you can’t hate them for breaking your heart”,  Justin just looked lost he needed her, or least to know she’s okay.

I looked him up and down trying to think what to say I paused for a second “Justin all we can do is hope she will open up to us, I want to know she’s okay I know she's not but we can’t force it upon her to tell us.”

  I needed to be strong to let him know that we will find out what’s going on. “Mad’s deserve the best in her life and will figure everything out, have you seen her today?”

Justin looked at me with a startled face, “ No have you.”

He was worried.

I was worried.

I know she’s unhappy, I know that she scared, but the only way someone will be able to help her if she lets someone in. I just keep remembering when she ran away from me how vulnerable she was. That night she was afraid her face turned pale white, all I remember next is her running away into the dark alleys.

*********
Mad’s Prov.

It happens again, he rapes me and I still think it’s my fault.  I sat up on my bed wondering what should I do next. I thought to myself should I tell someone about it?
Who Would I tell?  Would anyone actually care?

So many questions were going through my mind right now, I needed to tell someone but there are consequences if I do tell.

I looked down to the marks I have made earlier. I took a deep breath in and felt them they were deep, deeper than what I thought they would be.

I looked in the mirror and saw a girl who used to be happy but depressed. My eyes were red because I haven’t got sleep. I seem to be lost. I looked at myself with disgusted wondering how I let him do this. It was my fault I could’ve yelled Or I could’ve done that. I didn’t know what to think at this point. 

I can always feel his hands all over my body, no matter how many times I take a shower. I can hear me screaming but I got to the point today that I just couldn’t scream anymore it wasn’t worth it no one could hear me. I have even run out of tear because crying won’t get me anywhere. No matter when I try to fight he’s stronger than me.

I got to that part where I just don’t feel anything anymore, I just feel alone and I want to let someone in but no one would understand what I’m going through, I mean who would?

At this point, I don’t know if  I’m getting better or just use to pain at this point. I trying to put a smile on but the truth is I’m not okay.  If this is how my life is going to be, I don’t want it anymore.

I wonder if people realize that it takes them a while for a person to want them to hurt themselves. They don’t get that it’s a reaction. That feeling that you feel empty so empty that you have to hurt yourself just to see if it’s a dream or the real world.

Honestly, it’s hard to answer “ Are you okay”, because I want to say that I’m screaming at night trying not to have night terrors but all I say is yes because they wouldn’t understand the pain.  Putting that fake smile on is probably the best thing I’m good at. 
I hear a knock on the door and I look out my window to see that Justin is here. I walk downstairs not knowing what to do but I have to let him in. He cares for me so much and all I do is push him away like there isn’t a tomorrow.  I go to the door open it to see this hurt guy.

“Justin", I can't. 

The end......