My eyes were glued to the screen of my phone as I leisurely scrolled through all the spammed messages from her. From who you might ask, Hollie. She was a short blonde girl with big purple glasses that crowded her face, who was racing through my mind 24/7. My mind could never catch a break from her. I knew if I looked back at all the texts and messages I would be filled with intrusive thoughts. I couldn’t tell which was worse Hollie or the thoughts her messages and texts left me. The messages always were along the lines of Answer me! and You’re a terrible friend not responding to me! Part of me wanted to believe she was still the same person I met in kindergarten. The fun, thoughtful, and sweet girl from kindergarten. 

Once middle school hit that's when a switch flipped in her. We ended up going to different middle schools because my family was dealing with financial issues and had to move in with my grandma. I was devastated that I had to move schools, I stayed up later crying about having to restart and make new friends, especially with one of the only friendships I had known was a toxic one. I stayed in touch with Hollie over the summer. I knew my parents didn’t approve of her and got really upset whenever I asked to go over to her house because I would let her walk all over me and she would always be swearing at such a young age which pissed my parents off that her parents never said or did anything about her swearing and would just laugh it off when they brought it up. In her parent's eyes, she was an angel, she was an only child so when she asked for something she would get it. 

Those intrusive thoughts came flooding back again once summer had started. One day I was bored as I sat in my room as I got the text I awaited for almost every day. The message that said Call? It always brought me joy to think she really wanted to talk to me. So my first reaction happened and I sent back Sure!

I waited as I couldn’t hold my smile in. As she answered a smile hit me hard and appeared on my face. I looked at her expecting to see a big joyful smile like mine on her face but what I found was an annoyed look plastered onto her face. 

“Hey!” I said still with a big smile still present on my face.

“Ugh hey,” she said with a bit of an attitude as she studied my face for a second.

“So did you wanna play a game-” I was cut off by the sound of a doorbell. She quickly jumped out of the chair she sat in to go answer the door. I thought nothing of it but then I heard her voice. The one and only voice of a girl who thought she was nonetheless perfect. The girl was a beautiful blonde with the prettiest blue eyes that sparkled in the sunlight.  It was Emma. She was at Hollie’s house.

“Oh hey, Riley!” Emma said smiling with her perfect white teeth towards the camera before embracing Hollie in a tight hug. 

“Hey, Emma…” I said quietly trying to not interrupt their hug. I sat there awkwardly in the silence as I felt jealous since Hollie had never hugged me before. She had only tackled, hit, and pushed me and even smacking me and taking her anger out on me. 

“Why is she on facetime?” Emma mumbled to Hollie seeming annoyed. 

“She’s only on call because you were taking forever,” Hollie said back with an eye roll as she turned back to me and gave me a big smile. 

“Soo…” I said awkwardly as they stared at me for a minute or so but to me, it felt like decades. 

“I’m gonna go I’ll call you when we get back!” Hollie quickly yelled at me smiling brighter than before. 

“Wait we just got on-” I was cut off by the beeping of the facetime call ending. It felt like my insides were twisting together and my stomach started to hurt. She’s allowed to have other friends even if they are Emma. I tried to tell myself but it never worked.

Don’t get me wrong I tried to like Emma I really did. She went to the same elementary school as me and Hollie. She was the new girl and she was drop-dead gorgeous. Everything was gorgeous but her personality. She was never nice to me she would always mention rude comments about my outfits every day and tease me about this boy that had a crush on me and would always go out of his way to be nice to me. She clawed her way into my life trying to find every single flaw she could get her claws on to tease and pick on me about, making me insecure about almost everything about me.

It was around six at night now the sun had just set and it was now as dark as black ink out. I all of a sudden heard my phone start to vibrate and ring my eyes drifted to the name it read Hollie. I smiled and practically jumped out of my seat and hurried to answer the phone and quickly layed my dry elbows down onto the carpet. 

“Hey-” I cut myself off mid-sentence in disbelief as I stared into the camera looking at Hollie as she sat in the middle of Emma and one girl and a boy. Emma had a wicked smile on her face as she looked at me with her hand on Hollie's shoulder.  

“Ew! Who are we on facetime with?” The boy yelled as he gave a disgusted face towards the screen. My heart sank that was the last thing I wanted to hear. I waited as some part of me hoped Hollie would say something to him and stand up for me but yet again I was disappointed. She made no comment but she laughed at his comment which made a smile form on his face. 

“Haha, I know! She shouldn’t even be alive” Emma snickered and I was tempted to hang up but part of me still hoped Hollie would stand up but yet again more disappointment flooded me.

“You’re so right Emma.” the girl said as she gave Emma a high five. 

“Why are you still here? You’re not wanted you ugly fat loser!” Hollie yelled as she smiled into the camera. I sat there sitting there like a dead corpse who was positioned on its stomach. 

“What?” I asked trying not to shed a tear.

“You heard her! Go die!” Emma said and laughed. I had enough and that was it, I ended the call. Anger flooded through me I was supposed to be her best friend! Why did she say those horrible things to me? I wondered as I sat there for a minute. My phone rang again Hollie. I clicked deny. Why can’t she just leave me alone? I sighed as she started to call me again. I denied it again. I denied it a few more times before finally giving up and letting it ring. She kept calling and I kept fighting the urge to pick up the phone.

Five minutes passed without a call and I was grateful, the world felt like it had stopped in those five minutes. I received a text out of the blue. Answer me you pathetic loser!! It read.

I ignored her leaving her on read which seemed to upset her even more. The texts came flooding into my phone. They read Ugly! Stupid! Useless! Go die!! You’re not wanted! I tried to stay strong and keep her on read, but my desire to respond back won.  My fingers moved and glided quickly as I sent her a text that read Grow up, I thought you were my friend but obviously not your a backstabbing person who needs to be rude to others to feel good about herself. So just stop. The text screamed pain and anger as I waited for her to read it. I watched as my heart felt like it had just sunk when I realized what I just sent. I had never stood up for myself like that especially to her she was my best friend we had done everything together since kindergarten. Wow! Riley this is Hollie’s mom I’m texting your mom and telling her everything. I read as I shook my head. I knew that wasn’t her mom there was no way that was her. I furiously started to type again If this was really Hollie’s mom you would see how much of a bully you’re daughter is being. I hesitantly sent it. What if it was her mom? Did I just disrespect an adult? It couldn’t have been her. I thought rethinking my choices. She left me on read and I sat there in the silence as those intrusive thoughts came back to me like they were addicted to me. 

I sat in my room staring at the wall in the silence with those intrusive thoughts. I all of a sudden heard the voice I didn’t want to hear.

“Riley get down here please!” my dad’s voice yelled from downstairs. I sat there for a split second. Oh no, I’m in trouble… I sighed as I leisurely made my way downstairs to notice my parents sitting on the couch. I gulped and looked at them nervously.

“Yes?” I asked already knowing the answer.

“I got a text from Hollie’s mom a bit ago” Her eyes met mine and I felt a cold chill run down my spine. 

“She sent us text messages of your guy's chat,” My dad said standing up not looking at me.

“I’m sorry!” I quickly spat out. My mom laughed and shook her head. What was she laughing at? Was it a joke to her? Was she mad? 

“For what? We’re proud of you” My mom said as she set her phone down looking at me.

“Proud of me?” I asked bewildered.

“We are very proud of you for standing up for yourself. She was in the wrong for saying those things” My dad said coming back as he took a swig of his Redbull.

“Really?” I was still so confused as I looked at them back and forth.

“Of course, just promise us you will block her it's for the best,” My mom asked me calmly. I nodded in agreement as I marched up the stairs and began to go through all my apps on my phone blocking her. It was hard at first because she seemed like my only friend but I did it. I didn’t want the pain and negative thoughts she brought me.

In life sometimes we have to quietly forgive and forget about the past, even if the person doesn’t know you forgive them. It takes time for things to get better but just because it feels like the only option it isn’t everything just takes time. I learned as a person how to become a better friend because I had experiences where I was mistreated and I remember how it feels to be bullied and called names. I also remember how it feels to be put in a position where you can’t tell if you did the right thing or the wrong things. I even learned in life that those thoughts I might have about myself aren’t true and that I’m just different in my own way and it takes time to see that and I just needed to open my eyes up to a new beginning and start exploring different things. So in conclusion I learned it's okay to take a different route because we all have our own battles and our own opinions and can feel like we belong somewhere.