Anxiety soars through my veins and my heart beats so loud that I can barely hear myself think, this was the day I was putting off for months, my first day at a new school. The words “Middle School” were already daunting enough excluding the fact that I knew not one person at my new school. It had been months since I received the petrifying news of moving to Fulton county. I still could not shake the feeling that haunted me everyday, how could I possibly be leaving home? What was I to do without my warm, safe home and the kind faces that i’ve seen everyday for as long as I can remember? My home sweet home and life-long friends in Lawrenceville were all I knew at that point in my life, they were my safe haven, my comfort, my absolute everything.

      The words of encouragement that seemed to endlessly pour out of my parents’ mouths went in one ear and out the other. It all seemed to be exactly the same, “You’ll do great sweety! We believe in you, you’ll make tons of friends don't sweat it!” It all felt like lies and pitty, I convinced myself that no one would like me, I wouldn’t find my classes, and I would ultimately end up being the 6th grade newbie freak. My reputation and how others viewed me was my key to self validation, I disregarded my personal interests and beliefs. These unhealthy habits went against everything I had been raised on and taught but it didn’t matter, popularity was the key to life and I was willing to sacrifice anything just to get a taste.

       During the first few weeks of middle school, I fell into a loop of following what others did and desperately trying to get to the “top.” This of course caused me to lose all sense of individualism, there was no trace of the genuine, simple person I once was. As I walked through the halls, the only thing on my mind were the eyes that stared me down left and right. I made tons of new friends and got around to meeting practically everyone. However, I disregarded the reason my parents moved us all the way to a school system with educational benefits, I had gotten too caught up in fitting in it was only sixth grade but I learned practically nothing.

        My parents began to notice my erratic behavior, I wasn’t myself anymore. I wanted nothing to do with family activities that I used to adore and my mood swings were off the chain. They brushed it off as an “adolescent phase” and continued to support me. The only person that did not brush off my unpredictable personality was my older sister, Vaidile who lived in Utah. All my life my sister and I were inseparable, I looked up to her more than anyone. Once she noticed I became increasingly distant, she knew something was wrong and that it had to be dealt with. A few endless facetime calls and weeks later, I began to feel better, more like myself. Listening to my sister’s advice and personal experience put into perspective that there is so much beauty in life and getting caught up in other’s opinions blinds you from it.

          My worst fears became even bigger unexpected fears, I lost myself. The move from Lawrenceville to Alpharetta and the help of my older sister taught me priceless life lessons that I try to carry with me to this day. Smiles came back, I opened up more to my family, and I made meaningful friends, my life was back on the track that I wanted it to be. Popularity was no longer my key to self-validation, personal happiness and individualism were.